Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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