Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
