every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
