I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
