My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
