No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
