I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
