cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
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