i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
