I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
