He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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