You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
