I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She bit a glass in half.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
