I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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