He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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