I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
