HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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