i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
