If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
