Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
home. puking in laundry basket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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