So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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