I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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