Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
