Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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