oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
