Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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