I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
