Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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