hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
