you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
please don't ironically join a cult
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