I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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