Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
