Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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