I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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