Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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