Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
