Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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