mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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