We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
