I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
