dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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