All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
