Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
