We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
