she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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