did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
