We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
