Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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