Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
