I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
